I have to be honest, the next few days after the news about the recurrence were the hardest ever! I had given everything I had the first time around and I just couldn’t believe I was going through this again. Cancer took away so much from me but I gave up so much more just so to ensure our paths never crossed again but it seemed like all I did wasn’t enough and that just broke my heart.
I spent some time reading up on what exactly bone metastases meant, what are my chances? I have to say, the medical statistics didn’t look good or sound promising. I broke down in tears every time our beautiful daughter smiled at me. All I could think about was how she deserved to have her mother raise her.
I eventually got to the point where I was tired of crying. My husband was so positive we would be fine and I needed to believe this. I couldn’t keep tormenting myself with so many negative thoughts. We believe in a God that specializes in miracles and we decided that the more people praying for us the better; that’s part of the reason we told more people this time around.
Funny how things happen sometimes. We had decided to buy a house this year and we found one we really liked in December. However, because we were new to Canada, the mortgage application proved to be a lot more painful than we had imagined. We eventually went with a Mortgage broker and within two weeks, our mortgage application was approved. The ironic thing was, we got the news about the mortgage approval just after our appointment with the oncologist on April 9th! I didn’t think the timing could have been any more ironic.
The good thing with the house was that we didn’t have a lot of time between the mortgage approval and the possession date – just over 6 weeks. As the house is semi-custom, we get to meet some of the suppliers and make some selections for the house. That meant that as much as I would have loved to stay in bed and hold pity parties for myself, I had to call up suppliers and make appointments to go over the selections for the house. That helped in a way as it took my mind off cancer even if for just minutes at a time.
Challenging times often show us different sides of people we didn’t know. There are usually the people that you have no expectations of that step up to the plate in ways you could never imagine. I was blessed in having people like that around me. That made the first couple of weeks that bit easier to deal with.
It must have been about three weeks since hearing the news that I decided to fight this again with all I had. The stakes were much higher this time around. I have a husband and daughter I loved with all of me. They deserve to have their wife and mother alive and well so I decided in that moment to give all I had. Cancer had taken so much from me but it wasn’t going to take away my happiness. I was going to fight and I was going to do it with such positive attitude. I know some days will be harder than others but as long as I have my amazing husband daughter, my incredible support system and God, I am pretty certain the good days would outweigh the bad and that is good enough for me.
A summary of the next steps from the medical side of things are:
Appointment with an ENT consultant to figure out and hopefully resolve the hoarseness issue I’ve been having with my voice. Appointment is scheduled for May 1st.
The radiologist suggested a bone scan to check my entire skeletal system for any signs of metastases (fingers crossed everything will be just fine!). Scan scheduled for May 5th
I’ve got a repeat scan scheduled for May 7th; 5 weeks since my last CT scan. Honestly, I have no idea why the CT scan is so soon but I am hoping the scan will show all my organs are great and there are no signs of metastases anywhere in my body.
I’m going to have the first dosage of Zometa to help prevent fractures in the bone. Zometa belongs to a group of drugs called Bisphosphanates that help to maintain the integrity of bones especially in cases of metastases. The drug will be given intravenously monthly. The first appointment is scheduled for May 13th.
I will be meeting again with the oncologist on May 14th to discuss the results from all the scans and to see how I am getting on with the side effects from the treatments. I imagine we would also discuss switching from Tamoxifen to an Aromatase inhibitor (Femara).
May is going to be a super busy month! Not entirely looking forward to it but I am hopeful and trusting God that I will be a happier person at the end than I am right now.