Musings on a random Monday evening

I’ve always wished I had super powers and I haven’t wanted it more than I do today. Thursday seems so far away and I wish I could delete tomorrow and Wednesday (apologies to those with super awesome plans for those days).

I’ve been trying to think about what the news is likely be on Thursday and how I might to react. It’s odd as I am never stressed about any scan results although maybe I should have been as I’ve been disappointed four times in the last five years. First was when I got the initial diagnosis; I had no idea the lump that was excised would turn out to be malignant. When gene testing was suggested, I gave my blood without thinking much of it until the result showed I tested positive to the BRCA2 gene. More recently, it didn’t cross my mind – not even for a second that the CT scan from March 31st would show bone metastasis or that I would require a surgery to rectify the issue with my vocal cord.

It’s interesting how I never thought I was this crazy optimist but my experiences so far has shown me how optimistic I’ve been through this process. I go to each appointment with a smile on my face and I’ve been slapped with negative news four times in the last five years. Maybe that’s why this wait is especially hard. I’m not feeling as positive as I am usually. I wish it was Thursday already but maybe, just maybe it would be different this time. Maybe not feeling so positive would actually bring about some positive news.

On a lighter note, I enrolled my lil one in a parented swimming class for babies aged 4 – 18 months and it’s been pretty exciting. I’m trying to keep myself busy and actually start doing some things I enjoy. First is to master how to cycle, hubby has signed me up for a three hour lesson on Saturday (yup, I’m probably the only 32 year old who can’t cycle!). Talking about things I can’t do, my swimming isn’t great either so I need to brush up my skills. Thinking of signing up for adult swimming lessons, my target is to be Olympic ready before the end of the year 🙂

Finally (before I bore you), I have been touched by the amount of love and support I’ve received from family and friends since April 9th. I’ve had so many people calling/texting and checking up on hubby and I. A couple of friends have stepped up to help out with childcare on the days I have appointments and I’ve been stunned at the number of people who have visited or planning to visit us in Canada in the next few months. I know it is always hard to know the best way to support someone at this time but I feel very blessed with every one of the awesome people in our lives who have helped to make this terrible time that bit easier to deal with. Thanks to each one of you, you are very much appreciated! ❤


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