The last few weeks have been super brutal. I just had no idea the human body could be put through so much trauma and pain and yet it would survive.
I’ve had points in the last week where I didn’t even want to try. I didn’t want to ‘fight’ or be ‘strong’. I just wanted to be out of pain; a minute respite would have been great but I got none.
I think all the mental strength I had was to get me past the surgery and I didn’t anticipate the amount of pain that came with having a spinal surgery. Imagine the rude awakening once I came through the surgery and I felt like a trailer had ran me over a few times!
The next 24-72 hours were pretty rough. Yesterday was especially bad cos I didn’t stay on top of my pain meds. I realize now that weaning off my pain meds a little too fast was a bad idea and yesterday made sure I’d never repeat that again.
I’m on a high dose of steroids which I’m keen to wean off as crazy things happen to me when I’m on steroids. I’ve literally added 5kg in the last week. This won’t have been a bad idea as I do need to add a little bit of weight. Only problem with steroid induced weight gain it is all in the face and tummy! I’m not even kidding, I look about 5 months pregnant – nope, congratulations are not in order.
I had a brain, chest, abdomen and pelvis CT scan yesterday in order to get a picture of what’s happening with the pleural mets and fluid – fingers crossed for some stability. I should get more information at the appointment with the oncologist on Thursday.
The outpouring of love from everyone has been overwhelming. We can’t believe how many people are praying for us and supporting us in every way possible. We’ve had visits, meals, flowers, cards, help with taking care of our lil munchkin, messages, calls and a million other things in between. The best part though it’s knowing we have so many people that will drop everything at a moment’s notice to be there for us. I honestly don’t think I’d be standing or we could have pushed through the last few days without every single one of the amazing friends and family we are blessed with. I say it often but I do not take any single one of the many blessings in our lives for granted.
I had no idea how I would be feeling a week ago but I’m pretty happy where I am emotionally, physically and mentally. I had a really rough patch but I went through it and I’m still standing!!! It doesn’t matter how many times I fall, I just pray for the strength to be able to get up and stand taller each time!